Freak
by Alex Warlorn
Summary: MeiLin's reflection on her lack of magical skills. G in spit of some cynical moods.


Freak. That's what I am. What else do you call someone without magic in a family of natural born magicians? I don't remember ever being   
told I was different from the rest of my family. I didn't think anything of it when they saw things I didn't, or heard things I strained to but failed.   
My loving parents of course never said anything.   
I never thought of it when I spent more time practicing my fighting skills while my dear fiancé talked to the old men.   
I know how I act, like I pretend like it doesn't matter. How am I supposed to act? About something I can't ever change? If I had had the gift   
I KNOW my fiancé would of chosen me over Her, I'm sure he would of! After all, that time he spent looking for my lost bird in the rain couldn't   
of meant nothing could it? I am a member of the Li clan. The greatest of the eastern magic users, descendants of the great Clow Reed himself!   
Why . . . . why me? Why was I denied the gift? Was it something my parents did? Something I would do? What crime was committed   
to fit me being branded as a disabled among my own family?   
I don't know what's worse, the sting of Li's words when he said that magic wasn't something you learned, but something you were   
born with, or the way my family always acts like it's nothing special, like everyone in the family can't see the hidden, hear the silent, bend   
the forces of the world to your designs, I don't even know if that's the best description for it! Because I just don't know. There's a world   
that my fiancé, Her, my entire family can enter that I am forever blind and deft to, forbidden for all time from entering. Don't you think it would hurt?   
What if you were in a family of great scholars and you were getting F's in every class you entered?! What if you were in a family of athletes, and   
you were a tub of lard? What if you were in a family of gymnasts, and you were wheel chair bound? You might, just might, get a slight idea of what I've   
had to live with ever since I realized the truth. My family will never say, my fiancé will never say it, even She will never say it, but I know the truth now,   
I'm not ten anymore, I am a freak. A mistake. Something that shouldn't of happened. Would mom and dad of even had me if they knew they would   
give birth to a non-mage?   
Everything is so easy for Her, and my love. They have the power. They have the gift. I'm just a mere mortal, to be patronized at best, to   
be pushed aside at worst.   
I remember when I fought the Fight Card, I was good, but it was magic, I didn't stand a chance, I never do.   
Some say magic is dying in this world. Why. Why couldn't I have been born when it was dead?! Where I wouldn't be a freak.   
When everyone would be amazed at me, a black belt at such an incredible young age. Instead of just 'That's nice Mei-Lin.'   
I remember the Twin Card, when I supposedly helped save the day, they would of found another way, they always did without me before,   
that time would have been no different, they didn't need the mortal's help, the freak's help, the nothing's help.   
I remember when the reincarnation of the great Clow Reed himself attacked Her and the rest of us with the moving stone Penguins,   
I was the one to think of using freeze, she would of thought of something else, or maybe Eriol was just patronizing me and stopped his   
attack then, it would fit with the way the rest of my family treats me. Maybe that's another reason why I do like Li, at least he was truthful about it.   
"Sometimes I feel like I'm the way."   
"Sometimes you are!"   
I am Mei-Lin Li, a member of a family of magicians, a fighter, without an ounce of magic power. Three hundred years ago there was   
something my family used for people like me when they were born, I wish they still used it now; it was called a knife. 

Flames (where do you think I get all this depressing stuff?), comments, suggestions, reactions, corrections, rants, and occasional constructive criticism all welcome.   



End file.
